In anxiety, as if anxious thoughts weren't already enough to deal with, we have anxious thoughts about anxious thoughts. And after that, we have anxious thoughts about anxious thoughts about anxious thoughts.
Can you imagine?
Well, of course you can. If you're dealing with anxiety, even if you're not verbally conscious of it, this is likely playing out in your experience.
Hopefully, you’ve become aware that the goal is to learn how to reset your amygdala and train your brain to switch off the false anxiety alarm. Usually that comes about with a greater acceptance of thoughts.
But people find acceptance of thoughts hard.
And it’s not like they haven’t tried. Some of the most frequently asked questions, after all, are “How do I stop overthinking”, and “How do I stop my negative thinking”. People have been trying hard and have been waiting for much-needed relief.
But many of these efforts continue to remain in the area of control, rather than acceptance.
A desire to “stop” overthinking and a desire to “stop” negative thinking is in stark contrast to a desire to “accept” any of these things. And just to remind us again, acceptance is the path that offers greater promise and relief.
One of the reasons why people find it hard to accept negative thoughts is because they mistake the existence of thoughts as their belief in them.
Just because you think something, it does not mean that you believe it.
Much of anxiety in the moment is a condition of dealing with an auto-conditioned and auto-programmed mind. People are too quick to blame themselves for such a mind, whereas this programming is just the scientific nature of how the mind works. If you are not familiar with this, it is one of the first tasks before you.
There is a big difference between a thought and a belief. A thought can be considered like an occurrence but a belief implies personalization.
Compare it with having an attractive person in your social group. Factually noticing that she is attractive is different from falling in love with her. Similarly, having a thought does not mean you believe in it.
Thoughts such as “I cannot stand this anxious feeling" (panic attacks), “This thought is a threat” (obsessions), “This bodily change is not normal” (health anxiety), “My discomfort will be transparent” (social anxiety): all these thoughts can be the result of your brain’s amygdala training up to that point in time.
But people make a mistake when they assume that they have no other choice but to believe that they believe such thoughts, just because they have such thoughts.
If you can understand and appreciate this distinction, then you will find acceptance easier to do.
You have to firmly tell yourself that "I do not believe my old-programmed thoughts, even if I have them".
Many people don't allow themselves this grace, because of their past. Yes, you did have these thoughts in the past, and yes, you did also believe them, which led to anxiety.
You may even know how these deep beliefs got formed and got internalized.
You could look back at your history and say "Okay, I did not know any better before. I suddenly got all of these distorted thoughts and I just didn't know not to believe them".
You could also look back as an adult and realize that circumstances back then were such that if you didn't create these responses and distorted beliefs, you might have been annihilated in your environment.
In other words, there could be very good reasons for your anxiety.
But you can change your relationship with anxiety now.
You are now firmly telling yourself that "I do not believe my old-programmed thoughts, even if I have them".
Thought is not equal to belief. Split the two. Allow yourself to split the two.
And with that decision, see if acceptance becomes easier.