The amygdala is responsible for feeling anxious.
Essentially, overcoming anxiety means learning how to turn off the amygdala and its flight-fight symptoms.
The biology of anxiety can be one heck of a problem. Sometimes, it is all of the problem.
Amygdala hijack examples such as heart racing through the roof, chest tight, breadth restricted? When you know there is nothing to fear?
Are you kidding me? This in itself can cause anxiety, and in fact, it does. People describe the fear of panic as exactly this.
Hopefully you know by now that you are not causing this. You are not to blame for feeling fear. Your amygdala is doing this.
If you haven't educated yourself about the amygdala, I suggest you do that first before reading on.
Even when it sure feels this way, remember that the amygdala is not out to get you. On the contrary, it thinks it needs to protect you.
But it's no guru, wise therapist or a genius computer that can really solve your problems.
All it knows to do is to prepare your body to face threats, problems and dangers. That's its job. That's all it knows. That's all it's trained for.
Of course the symptoms can feel terrible to experience.
But you must learn how to solve this problem in ways that don't create more. If you get stuck in blame and hurt because your amygdala is overdoing itself, you are adding more layers of troubles it has to deal with.
So how do we reset the amygdala?
Whenever I look around for information about the amygdala, I find the words "threat" and "danger". I don't like these too much.
I prefer the word conflict.
Because it's usually subtle subconscious conflicts that are enough to activate the amygdala.
The amygdala is not falsely misinterpreting objects as threats and dangers.
But instead, the amygdala is correctly picking up our mental conflicts, even if consciously we are clueless about what it is that's really bothering us.
Conflicts arise when your desire and actual don't match.
Your desire could be irrational. Or your understanding of the actual could be warped. Whatever. The amygdala will find it and it will react to it.
When you close the gap between desire and actual, your amygdala grabs the congruence and turns off. "Phew! This dude has no conflict. I can chill."
A reset amygdala is what makes you feel good again. Your heart rate's back to normal. Your palms aren't sweating. You can breathe again. You're not dizzy and uncoordinated. You can focus and concentrate.
It's the opposite of the feeling state of anxiety, and thus, it's very, very desirable.
What is the lesson we learn?
Close that god-forsaken gap.
And so, most of us since infancy have been trained to close the gap between desire and actual.
But usually, the only way we know is by bringing actual closer to desire.
We work our butts off to achieve what we desire. Good grades. Good jobs. Good relationships.
That's great. Nothing wrong with having aspirations.
But, in anxiety, we are usually facing conflicts that either cannot be bridged or that require desire to align with actual, and not vice versa.
Consider this:
Social Anxiety
"I don't want my heart to race when I speak in public, but it does"
"I want to go to the party and not assume people find me weird, but I can’t stop"
Panic Attacks
"I don't want to have a panic attack, but I can't control it"
"I don't want to keep worrying about panic attacks, but I do"
"I want to leave my room and go out, but I can't"
Obsessions
"I don't want to check the phone again, but I can't help it"
"I don't want the thought to come, but it still comes"
"I want immoral thoughts to leave my head, but they don't"
"I don't want bad memories, but I still have them"
What's going on here?
First, there's an obvious conflict between what you desire and what you want.
The result of this conflict? Amygdala triggered.
But what makes it worse for your amygdala is facing the reality that this gap cannot be bridged. At least not by the way you usually resolve things "Just figure it out and make it happen!"
Now you are trapped.
Either your desire simply cannot be met (eg., your past cannot change; anxious thoughts cannot be controlled).
Or nothing you do can guarantee that your desire will be met (as humans, we are not equipped to know the future).
The only way to resolve this conflict is by bringing your desire closer to actual.
One clean, quick, swift action will do it.
Acceptance.
What if I choose to accept my reality?
What if I know I don't necessarily like my situation, but I accept it anyway?
In the head, this sounds like "I hate this, but whatever."
What happens with acceptance is that you stop the mindless fighting.
When you fully accept that which you cannot change, there is no conflict.
You may not like it, but what if you accept that too?
Without the conflict, the amygdala has nothing to activate for. Why would the amygdala need to prepare you to fight-flight a situation if you’ve accepted it?
And this is one counterintuitive way to overcome anxiety.
Provided, of course, you are not doing this as a manipulative trick.
If you "accept", while all along you have one eye on the hopeful prize that such an acceptance will outsmart the whole thing, your amygdala won't buy it. It’s not a fool.
True acceptance then looks a lot like grieving.
You are sad. You are tired. But you give up the fight.
You don’t know what lies ahead. All you know is that you give up the fight.
Why should I accept?
Don't, if it doesn't make sense to you.
But if you find that most of your time is going unlived because of your refusal to experience your present-moment unbridgeable, unsolvable, unanswerable and unchangeable conflicts, it may be a good time to start exploring doing something different.
How to accept?
Just accept.
No games. No mind tricks. No manipulation.
Don't suppress thoughts, memories, sensations and symptoms.
Allow your present moment to be exactly what it is. One with a triggered amygdala. One with conflicts you don't necessarily like. One with opposing emotions, feelings and sensations.
It may take some time and training for your amygdala to really get that there is no conflict, and in turn, no such danger remaining. Try to be patient. If you behave as though you have honestly accepted, your amygdala will see it.