I HAVE ANXIETY. I HAVE QUESTIONS.
How do I know when to believe my mind & when not to? When is it OCD & when is it not?
How can my mind be so smart and then so foolish?
If my brain can trick me, how do I know when it’s being honest? What if all the good things it tells me are also a trick?
What if it all my fears come true? Then how will I survive?
I can see 20 years ahead. I can see ALL the things that have to happen for a good life. Obviously, this means I can also see all the things that can go wrong. Then I set out to control those. What’s wrong with doing this? Isn't it wise to plan ahead? If you know what needs to be done, not doing it is simply lazy.
I keep imagining strange things. My mind conjures up one scary image after another. What’s wrong with me?
I have to do what I do to stop the thoughts (counting till 3, blinking my eyes 17 times, checking the lights 10 times etc). If you saw what I saw, you would too. You don’t understand how close I feel to the danger happening. It doesn't seem like a “distant” thought. It feels like “NOW”. I know it’s still a thought, but THIS one feels like something more. Why does this thought have so much intensity?
So much of my anxious experience is the body. I know I should not be scared. Then why do I still feel scared?
I wake up and feel anxiety symptoms. It is so confusing, terrifying and confidence shattering. Why am I already afraid even before opening my eyes?
Who says my thinking is wrong? If I didn't have this thinking, I would be worse off. You fool.
I have created a mess in the past. I find it very hard to get over the past. Why does my past haunt me?
Why doesn't talking to someone (anyone!) help? When I talk to my therapist, I say I am better. I try to be positive. You know “you are your thoughts” mantra. But I’m really not feeling it.
Why do aha moments not lead to change? Why am I stuck when I have so much insight?
Why can’t I handle as much as others can? Why can’t I be normal?
Why do I think about things so intensely? Why can’t I just be more chill?
I see others around me do stranger, crazier, stupider things. Why doesn’t it bother them?
How come other people can take on so much and I get anxious just by thinking about how much they do. Why can’t I be more like others, more brave and confident?
Especially when I am doing better, my memory of the past haunts me. I keep remembering how painful it's been. Why do I sabotage my own self?
If I don’t think about the future, or the past, what the heck should I think about? All this talk about “being” and “present moment” and “praying to the universe” are not for me. I find it terrifying when they talk like that. I find no value in looking at the shape of a flower or a mountain. I hate when they talk like that. And that makes me feel worse because if that is the cure, and I can’t do it, no wonder I am so ill. What should I do?
I can’t embrace my anxiety. Are you kidding me? You are asking me to love something I hate. What’s wrong with you?
How do I know what is the right behavior? There are 100s of ways at looking at just one thing. How do I know what’s right?
Therapists scare me. It’s all too serious with them. [not a question; it’s a cry for help]
There are some people who are so mean, superficial, manipulative and dysfunctional. How come they don’t suffer?
When I am by myself, I feel kind of better. The moment I am around others, I am uncomfortable. What’s up with that?
I can’t be happy. Something or the other is on my mind. I worry. When I want happiness so much, you’d think I would know better than to worry. What’s wrong with me?
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